i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
