From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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