We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
