He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
