I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
