i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
