How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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