I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cut my penus on the lid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
pray to the hookup gods
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
