it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
