I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
