I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
