All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
