He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
