Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
