omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
