The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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