I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
