im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
