You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
