she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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