You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
