I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
