she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
