ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
