All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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