Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
