True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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