you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
