He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
