As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
