I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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