The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
