Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
