so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
