I wanna bring you to show and tell
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
