so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
