i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
