I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
