I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
