y did u give ur computer a hand job?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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