i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
