Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
