Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
