So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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