Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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