Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
