I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
