We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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