He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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