when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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