He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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