If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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