We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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