I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
