allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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