You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
