you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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