made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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