I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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