yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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