I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
