This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
