So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
